'Like nature, we must learn when to expel our energy in the act of creation and when to rest - to be still, silent and watchful, like the birds preparing for their summer moult, and take the chance to bathe in the sunshine.’

• The Wheel Of The Year by Rebecca Beattie

 
The blur of the last three months is starting to lift like the mist shrouding the ocean before me. It has felt like a veil, mysteriously cloaking the view, an air of suspense hovering around me, damp and heavy, keeping me guessing as I sit, patiently waiting for the familiar outline of my favourite Devon beach to appear.   
 
The wet and windy weather has somewhat mirrored the months of June, July and August, and as much as I am craving the warmth and heat of the sunshine, there is an uncanny comfort in the restlessness and mix of conditions that currently swirl around me, as I realign and reconnect with myself and with mother nature again. 
 
These last few months have been a melting pot of growth for myself, as well as my clients.  It has been a bit messy, a wee bit snotty, a headless chicken type marathon of crazy, hazy end of school term black pen graffitied diaries, sterile routine hospital visits, pick ups, drop offs, dropped balls, spinning plates, losing minds and finding joy, in amongst it all. There have been pockets of defeat, filled with moments of surrender quickly mixed with bite size nuggets of happiness and pride, swiftly drenched with anxiety. From previous experience, the summer term is traditionally a spectrum of chaos but this year it felt as if the flames from the wild fires had been permanently licking at all our feet. It has felt like a rollercoaster treadmill with no brakes and no safety barrier. 
 
There has been a huge desire to find stillness and alignment. The summer down time has been a space for me to read and research, specifically around the subject of rest. As someone who has always considered being ‘busy’ as a valuable activity, affirming and productive, the summer months heightened an awareness of how society considers rest a weakness. There is a wide understanding of postnatal recuperation, as well as post illness and medical surgery, but there is a universal lack of self regulation to take frequent rest throughout our day. Suzy Reading’s new book `Rest to Reset` is a brilliant reminder and helpful guide to ‘pausing with purpose’. 
 
‘Rest has a PR problem - being seen as lazy, indulgent, unproductive or pointless. We need to rewrite the script when it comes to rest. It seems we are more frazzled than ever before and we need rest to help us heal, process and recharge’
- Rest and Reset by Suzy Reading 
 
There are different forms of rest and what our bodies and minds need will change day to day, but we cannot deny that we are better in ourselves when we take that time to reset. Saundra Dalton-Smith MD writes in her insightful book `Sacred Rest`,
 
‘Rest has become synonymous with sleep or a cessation of all activity. But what if rest is in itself a vital activity required to tend to the garden of our lives? What if rest is the water that replenishes the dryness?’
- Sacred Rest by Saundra Dalton-Smith MD
 
When depleted of rest and energy, there is deep vulnerability. Life can feel big. Just as the weather has been creating some of the biggest waves I have ever seen, there have been tidal waves of intensity, heartbreak and vulnerability smashing over a special family in our `village`, and we have watched helplessly as they have been hit by a giant wall of water, tears and grief. A past client and friend tragically lost her two year old son in June. It is every mothers worst nightmare and the tsunami waves of agony and suffering that our community have been trying to support her, and each other through, have been seismic. The ripple effects are vast and so far reaching, the outer layers of family, relations, school friends, nursery friends and village community closing in and around her, like the fragile petals of a flower, protecting and supporting her as much as we can. Walking beside her in grief, after being her postnatal doula when she had her son, and becoming closer as friends, has taught me a great deal about the complexities of the bereavement process and just how unique it is for every individual, parent and sibling. 
 
My mantra this summer has been ‘presence is power’. Not only have I had to repeat this phrase several times to myself when feeling helpless in grief, but it felt poignant when I had the opportunity to support a client as her birth partner. Back in June, while waiting in the foyer of our local hospital for a client to arrive, I grabbed a coffee with my mum, as it just so happened Dad was downstairs having his lung drained. My client had called to say contractions had started, and after supporting her antenatally due to a second pregnancy with hyperemisis, as planned, I was ready to meet her and her husband, at the hospital.  
 
Twenty four hours later I was in the exact same spot ordering a coffee to drink in the car, as I prepared to drive the short journey home, after my client birthed a beautiful baby girl. She arrived earth side just as the dawn chorus broke across the darkness of the shortest Summer Solstice night, highlighting and mirroring the whispers of some of its true meaning; 
 
‘At the solstice, there is this sense of hiatus – of time standing still for a moment – which can be something of a relief when our lives are otherwise in a state of constant transformation.’

• The Wheel of The Year by Rebecca Beattie. 

 
It was  an incredible moment, an honour to have been present at this labour and birth. Time had indeed stood still as baby girl arrived. There was a huge sense of relief, especially as there had been an unexpected reaction to the epidural. However, just as midsummer traditions suggest a transformation within us to break free from the usual constraints, with the hypnobirthing tools and breathing techniques we had practiced in preparation for the birth, there was a focus on the energy of strength, encouraging and reassuring mum, offering stability and an anchor for her own vulnerability. It was a reminder of a woman’s resilience and power; watching the medical teams, her whole support team, react so quickly and efficiently when she suffered what is called a ’vasovagal syncope’ reaction. 
 
‘the medical term for a brief loss of consciousness (fainting). It comes from the Greek word ‘synkoptein’, meaning ‘to cut short’.
- NHS.co.uk
 
Apparently this is more common after epidural spinal procedures than we realized. I learnt so much that night. We were not just celebrating a woman’s sovereignty, but the mid summer themes of success, optimism and alignment felt so tangible. Debriefing with an experienced birthing doula, chatting with the midwives who talked to me at length on the ward, and gathering over zoom with Sarah Doman, our hypnobrithing queen was crucial. My client also booked with the listening service, all providing a great deal of support and valuable opportunities to talk through these events and validate all the feels, while re framing what may have felt distressing at the time, but which still resulted in the type of birth she wanted. This had always been the ultimate goal. It was hugely powerful and there was a great sense of completion. 
 
Being present to witness beautiful new life coming into the world, a matter of days after loosing such a precious one, was profound. The fragility of life astounded and overwhelmed. The festival of Lammas, on August 1st, celebrates a time of harvest and within that, the notion of the circle of life.
 
‘We are all subject to the natural cycles of birth and death, and sometimes death brings with it a sustaining force for the living who are left behind.’

• The Wheel of The Year by Rebecca Beattie

 
That there could be two such life changing, contrasting moments thrust upon two separate incredible mothers, in the space of a few days, felt as if there was some kind of traumatic trade off. The cost of the bounty of harvest. It stripped life and all of its meaning and messiness, right back to the bones and the basic, fundamental need to love and be loved. The enormity of mother nature felt overpowering; everything a woman experiences when she grows, births and cares for her child. It is primal. It lives in every bone, every fibre and every drop of blood. It throbs with joy, burns with pride, constantly drains and consistently overwhelms and when it is snatched away, it simply breaks us.
 
And with all of the above swirling around leaving destruction and transformation in its wake, just as Mother Nature has been scorched with wild fires on a monumental scale, there has been more vulnerability, a heightened awareness of stress and anxiety. Rest is to come home. 
 
‘August is a month where we will seek to return to a sense of balance and alignment within ourselves, exactly as we are.’

• The Spiritual Almanac by Joey Hulin

 
We strive for safety so we can switch off the fight or flight mode. It is a vital need and when there has been so much displacement around the world on such a huge scale, due to natural disaster and events totally out of anyone’s control, is it any wonder there is so much un-rest?
 
One client has been incredibly proactive in finding her own physical and emotional rest, researching and investigating what the best support might be as she has navigated a choppy patch in her own first year of being a mother of two. She has been learning to incorporate restful activities throughout the day as and where she can, creating tiny but effective fractures, small changes to routine, with a deeper understanding that it is ok if one day is different from the other. Tomorrow is a different day. 
 
I have also had the fortunate opportunity to work as a doula share with a wonderful local doula friend, supporting mum as her husband travels on a weekly basis, and as she considered the options for introducing a bottle. By being able to offer balanced, evidence based information, in the form of books and links, Mum has felt empowered and able to make informed choices. It has been wonderful, spending time with her baby while she proactively takes that time to rest; sleep, shower, breathe deep and walk, refilling her cup and rebalancing the energy. 
 
Just as the sun makes a delayed, but much appreciated appearance this August, I am beginning to turn my attention to  a new energy; the approach of September. It always feels like a new start, thanks to the years of beginning new school terms, but there is a revived energy, a fresher headspace, with a more assertive sense of balance. 
 
‘You are free to take your time easing into these new beginnings. Continue to pace yourself as you go, this, too is a part of your growth’
- Morgan Harper Nichols 
 
As the waves calm and the tropical storms subside, there is an opportunity to take a deep breath, dust ourselves off and take that fearless step forward with determination and resilience. I am excited to start supporting new clients. One who has just had her baby, another due in the next few weeks and others looking ahead to October birth-days. The Motherspace group will resume on September 8th at our gorgeous venue in Tongham and there is a comforting joy in catching up with clients with babies born in the Spring who I cant wait to see and check in with. I am also planning another autumnal doula cuddle for all local birth workers and doulas, to catch up and reconnect after summer hiatus. 
 
Maybe it is just me, but Mother Nature is turning down the dial already. As I walked the dogs yesterday after a heavy rain shower, there were blackberries ripening in the hedgerows, tempting me to pluck and savour their sweet taste, lacing the muddy footpaths, fringing the fields and common with that nostalgic childhood fun of gathering berries for comforting Sunday lunch crumbles. This season of harvest feels tangible, reaping the rewards of all the years growth and progress, resting after all the hard work and effort, realigning and healing. Once again, all the seasonal influences mirroring in subtle and not so subtle ways. There have been storm clouds, rain showers, cloudless skies and warm sunshine and just as the rain has brought jungle like growth, the heat has brought wild fire, and a burning spirit of life. 
 
‘This month, we will savour, bask in, delight in, take comfort in and celebrate how far we have come.’

• Spiritual Almanac by Joey Hulin. 

 
 Summer Recipes I have been cooking;
Tomato and mozzarella and mint salad
Parma ham, nectarine and rocket and goats cheese salad
Fiery red rice and carrot salad by Mary Berry
Prawn and salmon ramen with noodles 
 
Summer Playlists & meditations I have been listening to;
Daisy Jones and the Six soundtrack, Aurora (Spotify)
What Ifs and Maybe’s by Tom Grennan
Six The Musical soundtrack 
 
Summer Reading; 
Rest to Reset by Susie Reading
Sacred Rest by Saundra Dalton-Smith MD
Mrs Porter Calling by AJ Pearce
Landlines by Raynor Winn

​

You yawn widely, stretching your body out along the length of the bed. It feels lighter and rested. There is no alarm to wake you, no baby crying, no kids jumping on you, just the natural body clock, working in tune with an earlier dawn. You snuggle deeper under the duvet, revelling in the indulgence of no rush, knowing that when you are ready to sit up, swing your legs over the side of the bed, stand tall and take the first step into your day, it will be slowly, with ease and softness. There is anticipation simmering, an excitement for what this day might bring, a sense of knowing, an energy that good things are coming, that plans will be coming to fruition, seeds planted will be shooting and contentment growing. You open your eyes, natural light blinding you and greet this new day. This is Spring! 


‘Metaphorically, this is when we’re getting out of bed and getting our day started’, says Erin Bruce, whose online Wheel Of The Year course is guiding me beautifully through the changing energies of the seasons, new moon and full moon vibes, connecting me with a deeper understanding of how these cycles of nature can nourish and nurture, with ritual suggestions, journal prompts and meditations. ‘These plans we’re making are the seeds we’re planting for the growth season ahead. What do you want to grow in your life this year?’ She asks. 


Ive been dwelling on this a lot. As the last full moon of winter waxed into wholeness on the 7th March, I lay my favourite rose quartz crystal out to re charge, despite steadily freezing temperatures, and woke in the morning to see that she had surrendered to Winters last hoorah; gardens and roads covered by snow from gluttonous clouds, carpeting a large proportion of the country in a thick white blanket of ice. I wanted to grow more balance and a slightly slower pace and the universe heard!


With this deluge, came a magical respite from the customary grey and rainy landscape that have made this March rather wet and soggy. Mother Nature living her best life, donning a cloak of sparkling purity, providing a blank canvas to paint with deep footprints, sledge stripes, snowmen and snow-angels, littering gardens, fields and playgrounds for miles around. An excuse for a slower start, the safety and caution cards played to the max (at least by the kids!)


There is satisfaction in having had a snow day, a true winter fix, much to the disgust of the somewhat braver daffodils who had bloomed just before the snap and whose attempted retreat resulted in being totally overpowered, lying wearily across the edge of my driveway, like exhausted soldiers after battle. In this months edition of Breathe Magazine, Jade Beecroft writes about the magic of the daffodil, ‘The cheery trumpet shaped flowers are some of the first to emerge after a cold dark winter. They give people hope that warmer days and new beginnings are to come’. The birth flower of March has nearly seven hundred varieties, symbolising good fortune, light and growth across many cultures, and with charities using them in logos and as badges, they are suitably associated with hope and resilience.


The cold temperatures played tag with milder ones well into the month, making me realise how our seasons are becoming just as vague and inconsistent, as many have feared, owing, in part, to climate change, and with wetter winters and hotter summers, there is an apparent discombobulation with regards to the in-between seasons of Spring and Autumn, as if Mother Nature is being indecisive, taking longer to decide on whether to blow hot or cold for each one. 


Similiar to some of my clients’ babies, reaching developmental stages where there is a novel perplexity in what they want. As they pass the three month mark, awareness and engagement are growing with a fine line between being over tired and stimulated. There can be furious periods of screaming as baby longs to sleep, feeding wont suffice but they still need mum to help calm and pacify with constant jiggling and tapping, a heavier baby to wear requiring a review of baby carriers, or daily walks with the pushchair, before they surrender to sleep. 


There has been continuing play with different feeding positions and baby wearing, but as FOMO kicks in, baby finds their strength, in thier back, neck and legs, occasionally pushing off mums tummy. Others, experiencing sleep regression, exhausted parents hauling themselves through long relentless nights, wishing for dawn when support may arrive, like a rain soaked fairy godmother, all these spectrums of change mirroring nature yet again, as Kirsty Gallagher agrees in her new book ‘Sacred Seasons’, ‘Our ancestors would have used the spring equinox to mark the return of the sun after a long, dark winter. It was a celebration of rebirth, life and growth, holding the promise of new beginnings, as everything in nature started to come back to life.’


Day and night are briefly equal in length, playing out as an improved sense of balance in my own work life ratio. A couple of clients needing less sessions, one feeling ready to fly completely solo, fully soaking up the spring energy, embracing new starts and awakening as the amazing mother she is! A new beginning for me, opening windows to focus on new clients, creativity and my own care. I can feel the clean, fresh air on my face both metaphorically and physically! 


With those clients due in April, there is a focus on postnatal planning, using spring themes to mark their own new starts, new life, taking positive energy into the postpartum phase of recovery. Resourceful connections are being made, not just with clients, new friendships and courses but with ourselves, the annual celebration of Mothers Day, directing a focus on all mothers, whether biological or maternal, young or old, alive or passed, those wishing to be and those who have lost yet will always be. The idea has drastically morphed from the middle ages when those who had moved away from home, returned to visit family and their ‘mother’ churches on the fourth Sunday of the festival of Lent. Today, thanks to marketing and advertising, it is an excuse for every ‘mother’ in the country to refute any normal household duties, demanding breakfast in bed or lunch with the whole extended family while patting herself on the back for keeping her little sweethearts alive!


Never mind the kids, keeping ourselves alive and well has very much been a theme of March, with continuing focus on self care. In contrast to February’s self love and respect, this month has been about exploring manageable, realistic forms of self nurturing. At the springtime doula cuddle (get together) I hosted for local doulas and birth workers, Louise Hoffmann Brookes from Parenting Success, spoke perceptively about how we should get curious about not only our children’s  behaviour and triggers, but more importantly, our own. We need to get curious, not furious! This resonated on many levels as we discussed and explored the pressures of motherhood, work, expectations and time. It was an opportunity to validate our needs, discussing ways to show ourselves physical, emotional and cognitive self care, not just by taking baths or getting nails done, but by expressing ourselves honestly; openly crying, verbalising our needs with those we love, recognising how guilt is manifesting itself, talking to other women, trusting ourselves, as well as getting quiet, and delegating to free up precious time for processing.


On a personal level, I admit I have needed to emotionally lean on my doula friends recently, as I had my own confidence wobble. Chatting through concerns and frustrations with those who work in the same field is vital. Often working independently, it is important to consciously carve out time, seek those doulas we connect with and have like minded colleagues to reassure, encourage and support us, helping make sense of things and gain clarity. It has been invaluable and really productive, enabling me to recognise the positives, identify ways to grow, tweak my services and assert boundaries. Realising the importance of debriefing as we finish with clients, reflecting on our experiences supporting couples, families and being a sounding board for each other is doula’ing the doula and this is just as important as doula’ing new parents!


Spring vibes are whispering for us to step back into our power, listen to our intuition as we become more active and maintain a balance between the feminine energy of turning inwards, as nature moves into a more masculine energy of do-ing. I have been sharing affirmation cards with my mums, offering important reassurance through any confidence struggles and changes in pace, such as;
‘I am moving forward with ease and purpose’
‘I am the best Mother for my baby’
‘I am welcoming new beginnings into my life’ 
‘I am receiving all good things’ 


My work this month has felt in tune with clients’ changing needs and expectations, recognising any fluctuations in the equilibrium, keeping the dialogue open, asking questions and getting curious, as they notice more developmental changes in their babies, as well as themselves. These little humans are getting stronger, becoming more active as they grow, more awake and engaged. Scars are healing, hormones settling, feeding is more established and new patterns might be emerging in babies day, behaviours changing; like separation anxiety, amounts of daily and nightly feeds, all affecting different rhythms and how the day flows. Menu plans have phased into lighter meals, as the freezer groans with previously made hearty stews and casseroles, a never ending supply of nourishment. Giant couscous and roasted mediterranean veg, fresh courgette and pea soup, chicken broth with lemon and apple cider vinegar, stored in the wonder that is ‘pour and store’ bags from Lakeland! Just as the seasons are in constant flux, so is motherhood and its nutritional menu! 


This has applied to my health too, with another routine PET scan this week, just as Doula UK released a podcast I was involved with. A while ago Leila Baker, Head of membership and one of the directors of Doula UK, got in touch to ask if I would like to chat to her about my experience with motherhood and cancer. Opening up this conversation is something I am passionate about and raising awareness of families going through cancer diagnosis’s while pregnant or in the postpartum period, is becoming more relevant as the age of a diagnosis gets younger and the age of first time mothers gets older. The type of support needed for this unique group of parents is growing, but its still not enough. World Doula Week this month, used the theme of Then and Now, encouraging all doulas to talk about their journeys to this work. Both the podcast and this, gave me another opportunity to reflect on how much I struggled in my own postnatal period, with breast feeding, fatigue, fear of recurrence, body image and anxiety and how this brought me to doula’ing and drives me to support women processing any adversity.  


Listening back to it (which I hate, who likes listening to their own voice?!) I was reminded how far I have come, tuning me into the seasonal theme of ‘starting over’. This is as much, if not more, of a new year than January, as nature reflects new starts as life blossoms around us. I feel proud of my story, who it has made me and all it has taught me. I took the plunge and got my first (and only!) tattoo this month too, joining #teamlighteningbolt, for anyone to remind themselves of their bravery facing something that has tested their strength and determination. At my forty something years, I decided if I was going to do something that might resemble a very mild mid life crisis, this would be it! I do surprise myself sometimes!!

​
Next month I will be supporting a client through  hypnobirthing course with the wonderful Sarah Doman. Due to a second pregnancy with hyperemesis gravidarum, this antenatal space to process how far they have come, while navigating the emotional roller coaster and all it brings, is an opportunity to fully embrace the third trimester, considering the birth and optimum postnatal periods. We have started mindful relaxation exercises, using brilliant scripts from Anna Le Grange’s Mindful Breastfeeding course, that I did during lockdown, as well as using my Doula Deck by Lori Bregman, with brilliant prompts for calm and connecting practices, affirmations and visualisations during pregnancy, birth and postpartum. I am excited to watch as the seeds she plants, during this time of pregnancy, will reach for the sun and bask in its warmth in a few months time, flanked by her steadfast bespoke ‘mummy tribe’. 


Rebecca Robinson, an author and meditation teacher sent her new and updated newsletter this month, suitably quoting the old proverb ‘March comes in like a lion and goes out like a lamb’. Let this be a reminder to us all, to strive for a balance of courage and gentility, spirit and modesty as we grow into April and all its abundance. As William Wordsworth conveys as he finishes his lament to the daffodil;
‘For oft, when on my couch I lie
In vacant or in pensive mood,
They flash upon that inward eye
Which is the bliss of solitude;
And then my heart with pleasure fills,
And dances with the daffodils.'

Good things are coming and there is lots to look forward to!


March Recipes I have been cooking;
Giant couscous with mixed roasted mediterranean veg (my own made up. Keep an eye on the recipe on my Instagram stories!)
Salmon and pesto parcels (as above!)
Pea, courgette and chilli soup (The Happy Kitchen)
Earl Grey bundt cake 
Marmalade and carrot cake (from Sainsburys magazine)
Vegan chocolate cookies (The Modern Baker) 

March Playlists & meditations I have been listening to;
Wheel of The Year meditations: Ostara/Spring Equinox by Sarah Robinson on Insight Timer app
New Moon Zodiac minis-Virgo by Sarah Robinson on Insight Timer app 
Spring Equinox / New Moon” Rebirth and Transformation by Violet Flame on Insight Timer app
Full Moon Magic playlist on Spotify
Go Your Own Way album by Fleetwood Mac 
Gracelands by Paul Simon 

March Reading; 
Enchantment by Katherine May (on audible)
Sacred Seasons by Kirtsy Gallagher 
Simple Things Magazine ‘Stir’ April edition 
Wheel Of The Year by Erin Bruce, online course 
‘I wandered lonely as a cloud’ poem by William Wordsworth

They say if you do something that you love, you’ll never work a day in your life.


I would have laughed in Marc Anthony’s face if he had ever said that to me in person ten years ago. As glamorous as my previous jobs sounded, working as a PA in the film industry, I was constantly tired, surrounded by a large lump of ego and spent the best part of my life people pleasing. In my naivety I wandered what wasn’t to love (there were definitely elements that I miss now) but as I have grown (and lets say it) matured, I definitely appreciate how I was working to live, rather than living to work. 


However, this appreciation has never been so blindingly obvious as the last few months. 


Some of you may follow my @samspaceslifeaftercancer account on Instagram and gathered that I had a ‘bit of a blip’ before Christmas, when a scan came back showing a small suspicious area in my sternum. After what felt like another mini lockdown of my own, of waiting and not knowing, I had surgery in December and the results that came back in January showed that one of the lymph glands was showing early signs of oestrogen receptive breast cancer. It is a secondary from my second diagnosis but it chalks my total up to four breast cancer diagnosis now and, if I am honest, I wasn't entirely sure how I felt about that!


Experiencing this during an ongoing pandemic, I have learnt so much; about myself, about others, and the importance of my work in keeping me sane! I have also noticed the elements that have made it much harder to process and manage, and listening to the dialogue and conversation around new mothers and ‘lockdown babies’, and shining a light on the importance of support during the post natal period is something I feel so passionately about. 


During the first pandemic I, like so many others, took the moral high ground and full advantage of the warmer weather; appreciating nature, living in the countryside and basically counting every single blessing I could think of. As we all listened attentively to the news, adjusting to this new way of life, home schooling and navigating our way around Zoom; either hiding our Tesco PJ bottoms in business meetings or delegating quiz rounds while getting slowly tipsy on an ever decreasing supply of gin, we were actively thinking out of the box and determined to make things work. 


Fast forward to lockdown three and the novelty has most definitely worn off! 


All of the above are now a normal way of life and nearly a year on, society is recognising the mild to the serious symptoms of the fall out. 


In a study by The University of Alberta, the rate of maternal depression ‘increased to forty one percent from fifteen percent after the pandemic began and the number of women expediting moderate to high anxiety symptoms has risen from 29 per cent to 72 per cent.’ (The Independent Sunday June 21 2020)


Any woman who had a baby in the last twelve months would have experienced a very different postnatal period than before the pandemic. Limited midwife visits, different antenatal departments in different hospitals or buildings, fewer in person coffee mornings with less mums to chat to and meet, not being able to explore a new social life for her or baby, higher levels of lonlieness and isolation and next to no external support from extended family if they were not in a bubble. It has been hard. Really really hard. 


Even during the first lockdown last year I could sense the ever increasing black hole of new mothers falling through the cracks, as well as those needing surgery and medical attention for serious illnesses and diseases. We didn’t want to get checked, or make a fuss, in case it put more pressure on the NHS. 


As a post natal doula I watched the conversations on social media and my heart broke for all the new mothers missing out on breast feeding support, postnatal self care and all the game changing conversations they could be having. We turned to the internet and we did what we could. We offered virtual support, zoom Mother Space sessions, over the phone chats and therapy. We invested in special lights and gadgets so we could video demonstrations and run workshops and the community came together, as it always does, to support each other while we juggled working from home with home schooling and, well, lockdown life. 


Supporting a client virtually was not my first choice, but being given the opportunity to help a new mother on FaceTime and over the phone was an education. I worked through my case study for my TBR 3 Step Rewind over the phone too. The skills needed to really listen came into force and being able to hold space for a client through a screen may have been very different from face to face, but it still had so many benefits. 


Being pro active at a time like this also helped me broaden my skill set and thanks to the postnatal community I started a mindful breastfeeding course. I was determined to feel a little more confident in this area and being able to focus on something that could help me grow as a post natal doula, was wonderful. 


Working in an environment where new life is such a focus was also a huge positive. Celebrating a new baby and all the joy that that can bring to a mother, and their families, regardless of whether they can visit straight away, was precious. Once restrictions lifted and I was able to physically be with clients, I was like a puppy. It was so exciting to be able to sit and chat, to make nourishing fresh meals, to guide them in relaxations in person and physically hold the baby so they could rest. It was pure magic.  


While the weather stayed dry and warm, Laura and I began hosting The Guildford Mother Space sessions again, giving clients and other new mums the opportunity to socialise with other mums in the same boat, while taking full advantage of all the baking my daughter and I had had so much time for! There were so many mums emailing to get details, Laura and I began offering more sessions just so we could include as many as we could within the rule of six rule and socially distanced walking around my village. 


The energy we had to reframe the frustration was in huge supply. We had had time to rest and reflect on our goals and intentions and we were ready to put this all into action. 


So, when my scan results came through and I was plunged into no mans land of waiting for a plan of action, I was reminded again of how so many new families and mums would have been feeling. The image of a giant pause button floated in my head and the irony was, I didn’t feel so isolated after all. 


When my current client gave birth to her baby four weeks ago, I had had my own recovery time. I had been nourished and nurtured, I had rested and reflected and I had taken time to heal and build my strength again. I had been looking forward to this job for a few months, especially since the family live five doors down from my home and are the most gorgeous family. It has been a total tonic. 


As doula’s our own personal experiences shape so much of the type of support we offer our clients. My experience as a new mother, my health experiences, even down to the way I was mothered, have all become the building blocks of my role as a care giver and support worker. 

And so has cancer. This fourth diagnosis has been a light of its own. It has given me more patience, more focus and a deeper appreciation for the little things. It has also made it possible for me to have the first Covid vaccine, which was a very momentous occasion. It has given me a bigger light to shine. 


It is a beautiful thing, to be able to shine a torch into the darkness, not just for others but for ourselves. We all have a light, every single one of us and at times like these, it is so important to shine it into every far corner. My work as a post natal doula is my brightest light. It has fulled my energy to recover, it has given me a purpose, it has given me the tools to reflect on my own healing journey and nourish myself to keep me strong, and it has made me a more sensitive parent and more understanding supporter. 


I never imagined I would consider this work, my little light, but the image of Florence Nightingale, the ‘Lady of the lamp’ flashes into my mind and reminds me every day that what each of us bring to this role, is unique and special and can make such a huge difference to a new family and a new mother, as we pass the baton of motherhood and solidarity. 

​

Thank you for everything 2019 - Hello 2020!


On the eve of 2019 morphing into 2020, I sat (rather soberly!) overlooking my favourite view on the Devon coast. What a year! I have done some incredible courses, worked for four wonderful new mums and their beautiful babies, met an inspiring doula community and all of this has taught me so much. I have actively been laying a major foundation during this first year of my post natal doula journey. It has been a time of growth, challenge and learning, each step supported and guided by my mentor. 


Having had this regular review process has eased me in, giving me a guiding point of contact and making me part of a little team. Sometimes working independently can feel a little alienating and having set up my cancer support group totally off my own back, this was something I was slightly apprehensive about. The doula community, both online and in person, is the nucleus of this ever expanding body of women, breathing care and nurturing to all pregnant ladies and new mothers, giving me a new energy, welcoming and supporting me, offering advice, inspiration and new friendships (and how many Facebook groups?!) that have made me laugh out loud, offered reassurance in those moments of self doubt (of which there have been a few!) and most of all, highlighted, once again, the importance of self care. 


Spending time nurturing, nourishing, holding space and offering a non judgemental ear are a doulas priorities, yet I have been aware how this impacts us on a personal level. With a young school age child I am still limited by school time perimeters and though this has worked well for me this year, the realisation of coming home and repeating these tasks for myself with far less appreciation, has been a huge learning curve! On the flip side, my recipe repertoire has increased ten fold, my menu planning a weekly ritual, my freezer organisation totally Instagram worthy and my culinary skills, though not quite worthy of a Michelin star just yet, are noticeably more tasty! As for multi tasking, well, I’m spinning plates in my sleep! Finding my own space to relax, sleep and rest has become a daily focus, even if just carving out time to walk the dog and get some fresh air! There seem to be more boxes to tick but I generally feel more productive and organised, which can be no bad thing!


One of the many noticeable observations I have made, has been the impact of new siblings on older children in the family. It would naturally affected the dynamic but I have been acutely aware of how the arrival of another baby can be another new territory for any mother. For a small child it can mean subtle regressions in sleep, toilet training as well as pushing boundaries, flexing muscles and asserting themselves, pushing buttons that, on top of everything else, can result in feelings of frustration and guilt for new mothers. For them to be able to release these feelings, vent and talk them through, while offering them reassurance, comfort and space, has felt like one of the most valuable services.


Not having wanted to focus on breastfeeding when I completed my doula course, I now feel it is an area I want to explore more carefully, mostly since it was breast cancer that led me to this role in the first place (You would think the clue was in the name!) It is also because this is such a huge part of becoming a mother. Whether she has firm ideas about breastfeeding or has a tentative plan pre baby, a post natal doula's role is to support a mother as she explores the options. If there are difficulties or complications it can be a real advantage to have some key knowledge so we can be more proactive and practical.   


Seeing how well my clients have done with their own breast feeding journeys has been hugely positive. As babies have got older and some have made the switch to formula, it has been rewarding to observe mumma navigate her own way through, owning her decisions, signposting and supporting her as she transitions with confidence and a joy to witness babies development.

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The area of babies growth has also been highlighted with my baby wearing, since the Boba wrap is now a permanent part of my wardrobe! One moment they are tucked in there, tiny and hidden, the next, they are craning their necks with FOMO, practically climbing out! Having them sleeping close while  Mummy showers or rests, has been a favourite part of my doula role. It is like having a little hot water bottle tucked in my jumper and is lovely bonding time.

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Learning about my own physical and emotional boundaries has been a big part of my self confidence this year. I feel passionately about connecting with women when they feel vulnerable and chemistry between a post natal doula and her client is paramount to a successful postpartum experience. However, I did not appreciate the importance of bonding with the babies too.  Trust and responsibility are vital cornerstones of this role and by leaving a new baby in my care, while a mother rests or showers, is a privilege. I have also discovered my own boundaries between being a post natal doula versus a nanny. If I recognise that by playing a game with an older sibling for a few minutes, or taking them to the swings for half an hour, helps my client relax and gives her some space, it is something I feel I can be flexible with, but I have learnt that by making clear my main focus is the mother and her wellbeing, I have asserted my primary role. 


Even my post natal doula admin has been a learning curve! This week I found myself editing my profile on the Doula UK platform, after reviewing how much needed to be updated. I have a clearer view of what this role involves for me now, what role I want to play in this doula community and what areas I want to explore going forward. I am also aware that there is so much more to supporting a mother postnatally, than making a few meals and holding the baby! My bone closing massage has been a huge awakening thanks to Sophie Messager and expanding my work in mental health, with Alexandra Heath and the Rewind Technique, has been invaluable. As with any journey, as a mother and a doula, each day presents new challenges, but we always have choices. Having awareness of this has not only been useful for me to remember, but is something I like to frequently remind my clients.


So far, my post natal doula journey has not only taught me so much more about motherhood and the intricacies of the postpartum phase, but it has also unearthed a deeper understanding of myself, as a mother and as a woman. Certain views have shifted, I am less judgmental, and I feel this is the most natural thing for me to be doing. It gives me a sense of purpose and my self worth is far greater. I consider it a blessing to share this time with new mothers but even more so, with the clarity I did not have myself when I became a mum. Oh how I would do things differently now, nine years later, but such is the gift of hindsight! Having the opportunity to hold a space for a women to share, download, heal and connect, as she slowly makes this transition, is a vocation and as my first clients baby turned one in December, I can, hand on heart, a year in, tell you that I love my job!