Thank you for everything 2019 - Hello 2020!


On the eve of 2019 morphing into 2020, I sat (rather soberly!) overlooking my favourite view on the Devon coast. What a year! I have done some incredible courses, worked for four wonderful new mums and their beautiful babies, met an inspiring doula community and all of this has taught me so much. I have actively been laying a major foundation during this first year of my post natal doula journey. It has been a time of growth, challenge and learning, each step supported and guided by my mentor. 


Having had this regular review process has eased me in, giving me a guiding point of contact and making me part of a little team. Sometimes working independently can feel a little alienating and having set up my cancer support group totally off my own back, this was something I was slightly apprehensive about. The doula community, both online and in person, is the nucleus of this ever expanding body of women, breathing care and nurturing to all pregnant ladies and new mothers, giving me a new energy, welcoming and supporting me, offering advice, inspiration and new friendships (and how many Facebook groups?!) that have made me laugh out loud, offered reassurance in those moments of self doubt (of which there have been a few!) and most of all, highlighted, once again, the importance of self care. 


Spending time nurturing, nourishing, holding space and offering a non judgemental ear are a doulas priorities, yet I have been aware how this impacts us on a personal level. With a young school age child I am still limited by school time perimeters and though this has worked well for me this year, the realisation of coming home and repeating these tasks for myself with far less appreciation, has been a huge learning curve! On the flip side, my recipe repertoire has increased ten fold, my menu planning a weekly ritual, my freezer organisation totally Instagram worthy and my culinary skills, though not quite worthy of a Michelin star just yet, are noticeably more tasty! As for multi tasking, well, I’m spinning plates in my sleep! Finding my own space to relax, sleep and rest has become a daily focus, even if just carving out time to walk the dog and get some fresh air! There seem to be more boxes to tick but I generally feel more productive and organised, which can be no bad thing!


One of the many noticeable observations I have made, has been the impact of new siblings on older children in the family. It would naturally affected the dynamic but I have been acutely aware of how the arrival of another baby can be another new territory for any mother. For a small child it can mean subtle regressions in sleep, toilet training as well as pushing boundaries, flexing muscles and asserting themselves, pushing buttons that, on top of everything else, can result in feelings of frustration and guilt for new mothers. For them to be able to release these feelings, vent and talk them through, while offering them reassurance, comfort and space, has felt like one of the most valuable services.


Not having wanted to focus on breastfeeding when I completed my doula course, I now feel it is an area I want to explore more carefully, mostly since it was breast cancer that led me to this role in the first place (You would think the clue was in the name!) It is also because this is such a huge part of becoming a mother. Whether she has firm ideas about breastfeeding or has a tentative plan pre baby, a post natal doula's role is to support a mother as she explores the options. If there are difficulties or complications it can be a real advantage to have some key knowledge so we can be more proactive and practical.   


Seeing how well my clients have done with their own breast feeding journeys has been hugely positive. As babies have got older and some have made the switch to formula, it has been rewarding to observe mumma navigate her own way through, owning her decisions, signposting and supporting her as she transitions with confidence and a joy to witness babies development.

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The area of babies growth has also been highlighted with my baby wearing, since the Boba wrap is now a permanent part of my wardrobe! One moment they are tucked in there, tiny and hidden, the next, they are craning their necks with FOMO, practically climbing out! Having them sleeping close while  Mummy showers or rests, has been a favourite part of my doula role. It is like having a little hot water bottle tucked in my jumper and is lovely bonding time.

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Learning about my own physical and emotional boundaries has been a big part of my self confidence this year. I feel passionately about connecting with women when they feel vulnerable and chemistry between a post natal doula and her client is paramount to a successful postpartum experience. However, I did not appreciate the importance of bonding with the babies too.  Trust and responsibility are vital cornerstones of this role and by leaving a new baby in my care, while a mother rests or showers, is a privilege. I have also discovered my own boundaries between being a post natal doula versus a nanny. If I recognise that by playing a game with an older sibling for a few minutes, or taking them to the swings for half an hour, helps my client relax and gives her some space, it is something I feel I can be flexible with, but I have learnt that by making clear my main focus is the mother and her wellbeing, I have asserted my primary role. 


Even my post natal doula admin has been a learning curve! This week I found myself editing my profile on the Doula UK platform, after reviewing how much needed to be updated. I have a clearer view of what this role involves for me now, what role I want to play in this doula community and what areas I want to explore going forward. I am also aware that there is so much more to supporting a mother postnatally, than making a few meals and holding the baby! My bone closing massage has been a huge awakening thanks to Sophie Messager and expanding my work in mental health, with Alexandra Heath and the Rewind Technique, has been invaluable. As with any journey, as a mother and a doula, each day presents new challenges, but we always have choices. Having awareness of this has not only been useful for me to remember, but is something I like to frequently remind my clients.


So far, my post natal doula journey has not only taught me so much more about motherhood and the intricacies of the postpartum phase, but it has also unearthed a deeper understanding of myself, as a mother and as a woman. Certain views have shifted, I am less judgmental, and I feel this is the most natural thing for me to be doing. It gives me a sense of purpose and my self worth is far greater. I consider it a blessing to share this time with new mothers but even more so, with the clarity I did not have myself when I became a mum. Oh how I would do things differently now, nine years later, but such is the gift of hindsight! Having the opportunity to hold a space for a women to share, download, heal and connect, as she slowly makes this transition, is a vocation and as my first clients baby turned one in December, I can, hand on heart, a year in, tell you that I love my job! 

On the day I handed in my doula coursework, I remember how anxious I had been feeling, not just because this was such a big achievement for me, but also because I was about to go into hospital for a hysterectomy. 


My course leader had been amazing and as we chatted, she asked if she could gift me a closing the bones massage once I was ready, to help healing and to process all that my amazing body had done so far and honour all it had been through.


I don’t think I really realised what I was saying yes to (!) but two months later, I lay on the floor of my bedroom and Zara performed the most beautiful massage and celebratory ritual that I have ever experienced. I had to learn how to give this treatment and I wanted to use it to deepen a women’s healing post labour, as well as offer to anyone needing nurturing. 


Fast forward to this past weekend and I have spotify up loud, my flask of coffee steaming away next to me and a very comfy pair of trousers on, as instructed, as I drive up the A1 towards Cambridge, to do a days workshop with Sophie Messager. 


I was excited and apprehensive. I had had to cancel this course twice before so it had been a long time coming and I wasn’t sure what to expect. On the one hand, it was completely out of my comfort zone. I had never trained in any massage. On the other, I was eager to start because I was so keen to offer it to my post natal doula clients, as well as the ladies in my cancer survivor support group. 


On arriving, the sun had broken through the clouds and light streamed through the nursery school windows. It was the perfect setting, a converted church turned nursery and since two of the ladies had very small babies, there were quiet and comfy areas for them to sit with the little ones where they could feed on demand and in peace. 


The decor was natural, with creative sensory decorations making it feel safe, as any nursery school should! Under a beautiful old bike wheel, made into a stunning dream catcher, was a bright round blanket with cushions all around and a couple of objects in the middle. We even got to have circle time!!! 


I made my way to the kitchen to make myself a cup of good strong tea to ease me in. Now I was here, I felt a bit of out my depth. What if it was all a bit too alternative for me after all? 


Sophie welcomed the group to the circle and we chatted about why we were all there and what we wanted to get out of the day. I always find these parts of a course slightly uncomfortable and having to introduce myself in a few words, makes me feel slightly tense, but being able to articulate exactly what I wanted to achieve was a good exercise for me and a reminder that anyone taking a course like this, was likely to be a caring person who wanted to help someone else feel nurtured!


Within moments the group began to open up, just like the desert flower that Sophie had put in the centre of the circle. Sophie explained how the day would proceed, giving out some booklets and we moved over to the mats and watched as she demonstrated the first few moves of the massage. We proceeded to get into pairs and took it in turns to rock each other in the rebozo’s. What a feeling! It felt wonderful! When was the last time any of us had been rocked? Adults just don’t get that kind of care! 


The day continued in this way, Sophie showing us a few steps, picking a new partner from the ten of us and taking it in turns to practice. After lunch we performed the whole treatment on each other.  Needless to say there were a lot of sleepy and very relaxed ladies afterwards!


Returning to the cushions we downloaded how we had all felt, both giving and recieving the massage. The general consensus was relaxed, cared for and nurtured! The barriers had dissolved and there was a great sense of openness, compared to the morning. After having to be fairly intimate, exposing our pelvis area and tummy’s to each other, any shyness and modesty had been well and truly parked outside! 


There was a lot of chat about our desire, as a whole, to spread the word and take this type of treatment out into our local communities, encouraging women to embrace their femininity and celebrate their bodies, whatever shape, size, weight and amount of stretch marks! Personally, I felt it was one of the few times I have not felt self conscious. We were all women. Our goals and attitudes were naturally aligned as care givers, mothers, as well as women. There was a real sense of equality and womanhood. Our imperfections became our perfections and this treatment truly emphasised that. Everyone was deserving of this nurturing and reassurance. It was a joy to give and a joy to receive. To be looked after this way was such a novelty and yet, in so many countries around the world, it is so normal.


In many cultures, this practice is performed straight after the baby has been birthed. It is essentially pulling the pelvic bones and hip area back together after being opened so widely in pregnancy. In countries like Thailand the nurses come to bind and wrap this area before you get a cup of tea, and nurses will continue this wrapping every day for the next few days!


The sensations of being rocked, massaged, held and tightly wrapped are deeply comforting, healing and really powerful. While new mothers are busy adjusting to a new baby, thier bodies are recovering from natural labour, or surgery, and this takes a huge toll on hormones, bones, fluids and organs. The gentle massage helps release any remaining stress or tension, as well as relieve any emotional blocks after labour and pregnancy. It gently encourages the organs to move back to where they should be, it de crunches any tension crystals in the hip area that can build up from carrying weight in the pelvis during pregnancy, as well as stimulating blood flow and toning muscles and surrounding tissues. 


It is so much more than a physical massage. It is a healing experience. It is a ritual, a celebration of a new chapter, as well as a meaningful way of closing a huge event in a woman’s life. Not only can it be used to help mothers after pregnancy and birth, but it can be used on anyone suffering from trauma, anxiety, menstruation and it can also be wonderful for children and teenagers. 


To end the day, we performed a group bone closing on one of the two mummies in the group. Sophie laid out the rebozo’s in the colours of the rainbow and Mummy laid down with her head at the top on the purple rebozo and feet on the red. We all gathered around and Sophie read a beautiful poem to open the treatment. 


She proceeded to wrap the head with the purple rebozo. We then each took the end nearest us, passed it across to the woman sitting opposite and tucked it tightly around her. Within moments she looked like a rainbow who would have been at home in a pyramid in Egypt! The spectacle of it was beautiful, especially in the afternoon sunshine streaming through the windows around us. She looked so calm and peaceful. 


Sophie began to sing a stunning song that we all joined in with. These words were incredibly powerful and I remembered having them sung to me at the end of my own closing the bones last year. They made me cry back then and though I didn’t cry on this occasion, I was totally absorbed in the energy of the room. Just as I had felt when I was my sisters birth partner five years ago, the over whelming pride in our femininity washed over me. The strength, power, energy and general awesomeness of women was so apparent that some of us were literally vibrating! What with Sophie’s drumming then thrown in, we were all buzzing and the mummy wrapped in rainbow rebozo’s was so relaxed she was practically snoring! 


I can’t recommend this course enough to any doulas who might want to bring another level of care and healing to their clients wellbeing. It was a wonderful life affirming experience for me on a personal level too. Though the rocking and massage can be hard work being floor based, it was 'work' that felt hugely rewarding and if any of my blood, sweat and tears can benefit another woman’s, well, that has to be real solidarity doesn’t it?!

​For more information on this course, click here x

‘Don’t go through life, grow through life’
- Eric Butterworth 


Just like a typical seven’ish (!) month pregnant mumma to be, surveying the spare room, soon to be nursery, splattered with all sorts of baby paraphernalia and different parts of disassembled pram/pushchair, I know the tornado of turmoil that descends during the run up to baby’s arrival. All the whistles and bells and no idea whatsoever how to use them! 


In complete confidence (all the barriers are down now!) having completed my Developing Doula coursework and starting the mentoring process, I realised that I was standing in front of my own collection of chaos and all to aware of the fundamental lack of experience and knowledge of how to put it all into practice! 


I had started a giant jigsaw (and this was no toddler stage extra large Frozen puzzle) I had all the pieces to make out the centre picture but the rest of it was far from clear.


These missing jigsaw pieces were, naturally, courses, workshops and the many different areas that a post or birthing doula, can specialise in. The choice is endless and the world your oyster. This can be hugely exciting on the one hand, but, if like me, quite the blank canvas, it can be totally overwhelming. 


Like so many women, I have fallen down that dark rabbit hole of anxiety and have experience of depression and PTSD. I have always felt drawn to this area and as luck would have it, I saw a facebook event for the Mummas Wellbeing post natal mental health workshop, over the summer. 


I booked on, with slight trepidation that I would be the only doula and I wouldn't know a sole. Since it was my daughters first day back at school after the summer holidays, I arrived at the venue in Guildford feeling a slight mix of euphoria to have re discovered my freedom after nine weeks of child entertaining and total unfamiliarity with my independent, child free self! Never mind meeting other people, I was not sure if I could get through a whole adult conversation without checking over my shoulder for a runaway red head! 


As it turns out, most of us were in the same boat! It was early September and the room was full with kind and welcoming faces. As we introduced ourselves, I was in good company and as far as my first doula networking was concerned, I had a fabulous group. The day was really well structured, informative, fun and quite intense after all that summer fun! Talking about mental health and reflecting on our own experiences and how we would cope with clients affected by a wide range of mental health conditions post birth, required a lot of focus, way more than solving Scooby Doo’s latest mystery, funnily enough!!!


Being the world's worst at putting pressure on myself and to have everything sorted yesterday, I was reminded that starting anything new is about appreciating that everything is part of a process, so I considered this day a pretty solid step in that process and a major jigsaw piece added to the picture. 


A few weeks later I was due to take part in the Closing The Bones course in Lewisham, run by Sophie Massenger, but as the date approached timings were going to be tricky with childcare and Lewisham wasn’t exactly round the corner. After speaking to Sophie and deferring it to another date, I signed up for the Understanding New Borns course with my mentor Victoria Greenly and her post natal business Younique. 


This was a fabulous chance to get to know Victoria better, get some advice from such an experienced post natal doula and learn more about how and why babies do what they do in those first few weeks. We drove up to Raynes Park together with only two other doulas and little old me on the course. After the most important cup of tea and biscuit, Victoria got the day started by asking us to write a letter to a mummy from a baby’s point of view. That certainly got the cogs turning! 


This was such an interesting course, exploring the basic biological workings of a baby brain and our primal instincts as new borns. I was fascinated as we discussed baby reflexes, senses, instincts, feeding and sleep patterns and how important we, as post natal doulas are, in helping to normalise this behaviour for mums. Supporting a new mother as she finds tools to ease her through this time of transition and vulnerability, and while she bonds and gets to know her new baby can be hugely empowering. Another piece of the jigsaw founds its place. 


As another bone closing massage course slipped through the net due to illness, I contacted South East Slings to find out if I could enrol on a peer supporter course. After a few emails with Roamy at Born to Carry, I was advised to find someone who may want to share the cost of a shorter course and a more bespoke workshop. The lovely Lena stepped up and in November we took the workshop together with Roamy, who knew more about baby carriers than I knew different gins (and that is saying something!) 


This course was a lot more hands on and practical, with Lena and I wrapping ourselves up with endless miles of material, in front of a large mirror, like we were fashion conscious kangaroos! I was most reassured that Roamy had a You Tube channel where I could refresh my memory as to how to tie certain carriers and her selection of different types of carriers was never ending! The theory behind baby wearing was really interesting and though one might think it obvious, I can honestly say that when I did the online test after the course to get my certificate, I had to concentrate hard! 


When I set out as a post natal doula I wasn’t sure what areas I wanted to explore. All I did know was that there was no rush and that I wanted to focus on post natal care. This area of motherhood complemented my support work with cancer survivors so uniquely and having experienced pregnancy and early motherhood after cancer more than once, I felt strongly about developing this area of specialised support and expanding my abilities and knowledge. 


However, only being a few months into this role, I have been reminded once again (eventually the penny drops!) experience is everything. It is like moving into a new home, you have to live in it for a while before you know what you want to do to make it your own and add your own uniqueness. 


Many doulas may choose not to specialise in anything, but are still incredible doulas. Every doula has so much to offer and there is always a mother for every doula and visa versa. Being MummaBaby space is working in and around lots of different spaces. It is chemistry, time, trust and self belief, among others and these are just a few things that a doula and a mummy have in common already! Slowly building this jigsaw, opens our eyes not only to opportunities but to capabilities, strengths and our interests too. Adding authenticity to this role with my own colour, texture and sparkle is all part of the learning.


I am a sponge, absorbing an incredible network of doulas and wellbeing professionals, as well as mummies and babies. Every client will teach me something new. I will be challenged in varied ways as I move further along this road. I will turn down a fair few roads and explore and then I may reverse. On a deeper personal level, I have found a new identity and a role that is more fulfilling and rewarding than I expected. Just like that pregnant mummy, staring cross eyed at a room full of equipment and furniture that feels so unfamiliar and alien sometimes,, it is more about simplifying, surrendering, embracing fears and simply doing the best we can. If these are the final jigsaw pieces we need to find, as a mummy to be or as we start anything new, we had them all along!


Stay tuned for the next blog about my first post natal doula job........

Just a Spoonful of Sugar 

My head is spinning! Since I last wrote, I have changed doula mentor, had my daughters 8th birthday, been on a post natal mental health course, organised a village coffee morning for the newbies (with lots of little people!), had to physically hold myself back from booking onto any and every doula related course I hear about, attended a wonderful doula morning and sound bath (my first), taken a trip to Morocco for half term to see friends and generally putting in a lot of face time, while starting to spread the word about MummaBaby Space. Life has been anything but dull! 


Being a mum, as well as setting up a doula business, is as chaotic as ever. Swinging between blogging and networking, while picking slime particles out of the carpet and treading on the tiniest lego pieces, while trying to stop the shepherds pie from burning, is definitely keeping me on my toes but, I love it! I love the freedom of planning my day the way I want to plan it, not have anyone breathing down my neck and taking things at my own pace. 


It’s not easy putting yourself out there at the start of a new career! Having just established my cancer support network, my work with cancer survivors has always involved a considerable about of face time and being pro active, thinking outside the box, but integrating myself into a network of new mummies and young families, has made me appreciate that I have now entered the next phase of parenthood. As my daughter turns eight and I ensconce myself in conversations with new parents, I am aware of all the phases we have moved through, and are still moving through and my own ability to use my experiences to further my understanding, while also appreciating the journey our children are on too, right from birth.


As my path continues, I reflect on my rather obsessive habit of throwing myself in at the deep end! Despite telling myself I wouldn’t rush into things, I realise that is exactly what I have been doing. I met with a lady yesterday who has begun working in my local community. I love her calm and practical attitude to how we help others and she and I chatted about ways of helping me get the word out. During the conversation she said something that really stuck; Dwell. Dwell in the journey. Do a few things but do them well. There is no rush. 


In sharp contrast, initially my main priority had been to find a local mentor so I could get cracking, putting my foot on the gas, as is my way, and driving at top speed, but after meeting more and more gorgeous doulas, I realised that I had just slammed head first into a traffic jam!


I had considered it a priority to have a local mentor, but after chatting to other post natal doulas, it dawned on me that having someone who was highly pro active, who would inspire and encourage me and really empathise with the challenging journey I had been on to get to this time in my life, who had a similiar mind set to mine, would be a much more sensible and long lasting decision. Just as a mumma can not rush the birth of her baby, fate and nature took its course and I understood the importance of having a mentor that I could confide in. It didn't matter if we couldn’t have face time all the time, after all, can a mummy always see her baby while she is pregnant? And there it is! A huge element of trust is required with any new journey in life and like a spoonful of sugar, it helps add a little sweetness to the trickier days. 


So, I now have a new mentor and I have had a total mind re set! I am actively dwelling in the moment (literally, right now, as I write! See!!!) 


Connecting with the network of incredible people running local pregnancy yoga classes, toddler groups, mummy and baby gatherings, as well as Mumma’s wellbeing events, is a slow process but what I love most. Hearing other stories, experiences, tips, advice and generally getting to know people are the building blocks of starting out in a job that is based on empathy and sensitivity.


Being included in a local doula coffee morning and experiencing my first sound bath, which was strangely relaxing as well as emotional,  was also timely. The vibe in Zara’s kitchen that day was so comforting and positive and gave me such a boost. I was feeling very much like the new girl but doulas are a very special breed and the welcome and focus on our own self care was hugely refreshing. As a doula, as well as a mother, we can't possibly look after others if we can not look after ourselves first. Listening to the chat around the issues that doulas face as well as the highs and lows, and the general admin of what is happening in the community, was so reassuring, and to think I had been so anxious about meeting them all! (I mean, I ask you, how long does it really need to take??!)


I also had the pleasure of attending a fantastic course in September, on post natal mental health, run by Mummas Wellbeing. Not only was it my first course (and I was pretty nervous about that too!) but it was my first experience of meeting and socialising with other doulas. The course was fascinating and brilliantly run. I took so much away from it, as well as lovely names and numbers! What struck me most was that such a high percentage of women have a form of PND. The biggest is OCD. On hearing this, I realised I was one of those numbers. Learning more about the broad spectrum of mental health issues that affect mums at any stage of motherhood, shed new light on my own role as a mumma and I was reminded again of the influence of time on our own self development. 


Through adversity, we learn so much about ourselves, as well as who are friends are, both as a victim and as a supporter. To survive the darker and more challenging periods, we need to lean on one, if not many, other people. We cant do it alone and we simply don't have to. We have the powerful right to choose those people and we always have options. This is an empowering thought but what I find more comforting as I travel further down this road, is that there is a whole pool of people who will and can, come into your life when you need it most. There is a time and a place for everything. This is just the spoonful of sugar we need. Just as a new mentor comes into my life when I need it, a doula comes into a momma's life just at the right time, when she needs them most. It's almost just like Mary Poppins!  All we can do is trust. In nature, in ourselves and in time (as well as a little spoonful of sugar!)